Tolerating Jazz While Drunk is Key Sign You've Had Too Much Wine

Dillon from Tandella, CO writes to The Satirical Post's health advisor Gregor Wolfowitz.

“Salutations Gregor. I know red wine is good for my heart but how much wine can I enjoy before it becomes unhealthy?”

Cheers to your inquiry, Dillon. This is a topic where I’ve learned by doing. As I pen my exuberant reply, this corkage cowboy is enjoying himself a chewy cabernet.

Drinking is about limits and each spirit has it’s own owner’s manual. Wine’s ceiling can best be described in one word: Jazz. If you worry you’ve over done the adult grape juice, turn on an obscure jazz song.

Do you like this? Do you like what you are hearing? Is this something you could waste an afternoon in a sun hat listening to? If the answer to these questions is yes, medically, you are an alcoholic.

You are at risk for a bevy of health problems and you should contact your doctor immediately. If you enjoy jazz while sober, do us all a favor and never contact your doctor ever. (NOTE: Friends and family have told me that an extreme hate of jazz music while drunk on wine may also be a sign of alcoholism, but none of them have their own health column so bully for me.)

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Gregor is not a trained medical physician nor is he certified to give out advice on anything outside of bicycle repair, and in rare cases birdhouse assembly. While Gregor will respond to ‘Doctor Gregor’, ‘Love Doctor’, or simply ‘Doc’ that is in no way an attempt to present himself as a medical professional.

To learn more from Gregor Wolfowitz visit our HEALTH page.


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