President Trump Re-Hires Michael Cohen to Fix Michael Cohen Problem


WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to put an end to the seemingly endless Russia investigation, President Trump announced Saturday morning that he had re-hired Michael Cohen and given him one task, find a way to silence Michael Cohen before he talks to special council Robert Mueller.

“Had no idea why Cohen would talk to Mueller. Then I realized Cohen wasn't around to fix Cohen problem. So I re-hired Cohen and told him to silence Cohen. DONE!” tweeted the President.

The Satirical Post reached out to Michael Cohen to get his thoughts on reuniting with his old boss and to see how he was going to go about silencing Cohen.

“I’m thrilled to be working for the president again. First thing I’m going to do is find a middle man who will funnel money to this guy Michael Cohen in order to shut him up,” said Michael Cohen.

The National Enquirer confirmed to the Satirical Post they are in negotiations with two different Mr. Cohen’s and will be taking money from one and giving it to the other in order to buy his silence.

When the Satirical Post asked Mr. Cohen which one of the Cohens he was in the National Enquirer deal, he responded, “Sorry. I’m loyal to myself above all else, and would never betray the sacred attorney-client privilege I have with Mr. Cohen.”

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