top of page

K Through 8th Graders Across the Country Demand the Right to Vote, Citing Their Parent’s Elected Off

With our country's 12th school shooting already in the books by February 1st, K through 8th graders across the country have had it with their parent’s elected officials and are demanding congress lower the legal voting age to 5 years of age so their prepubescent voices can finally be heard.

“My biggest problem in life isn’t a tax scrape or probing Russia, it’s staying alive every morning so I can make it to recess,” said six year old Alice Montgomery of St. Louis, Missouri. “Maybe if I had a job and paid taxes someone would listen to me. But I only get a one-dollar-a-week allowance,” she added.

Children in classrooms across the country have started collecting signatures, mostly written in crayon, to bring awareness to their plight and force congress to finally address their concern, keeping them alive until they graduate junior high school.

“If an active shooter kills me in college, or the workplace or a music festival or some kind of public place, well…at least I made it to my eighth grade graduation,” said Henry Albanese, five year old from Paris, Texas.

Leading gun control advocates, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer held a joint press conference to address the concerns of our nation’s K through 8th graders.

“I want all the five year olds out there who are concerned for their safety, who are frustrated and want change to know I hear you,” said an impassioned Ms. Pelosi.

'In 2008, before most of you were even born, our party had control of the House, had 60 votes in the Senate and controlled the White House. We could have passed legislation to protect you. But unfortunately you need 100 votes in the senate to get anything done. And we could only get 99. So please accept our apology.”

Lauren Anglade, a ten year old from Santa Fe, New Mexico told The Satirical Post she’s ready to start carrying a gun to school in order to protect herself. “If my parent’s elected officials can’t keep me safe then what other choice do I have,” said Lauren.

Read more from The Satirical Post by visiting the HOMEPAGE.


related articles
bottom of page