Golf and Porn Star Enthusiast Trump Lays Groundwork for Tiger Woods Presidency

January 24, 2018

 

You can officially add ‘the presidency’ to the list of opportunities Tiger Woods is considering for his second act in life, thanks in large part to Donald Trump, who has destroyed several of the social norms that typically have prevented some men from even running for the White House, let alone winning the office.

 

"President Clinton was a serial adulterer, President George W. Bush was a former alcoholic, President Obama is black, and President Trump had affairs with porn stars. All these men set the stage to make it acceptable for me to be president. And I’m not going to let that slip away,” said Tiger Woods when contacted by The Satirical Post.

 

That last piece of the presidential puzzle, or barrier that Mr. Woods needed knocked down in order to run, was having it acceptable to not just have an affair as Clinton had done, but an affair with a porn star. “I never thought someone would knock down that barrier. That’s a tough one,” said Mr. Woods.

 

“When people found out I was having affairs with porn stars, I lost my sponsorships, friends and respect from fans. I couldn’t even open a car dealership because my reputation was so bad,” continued Mr. Woods.

 

Some voters feel these trends are a good thing for the country, that is lowering the behavioral bar of the presidency. “We can’t all be Abe Lincoln,” said Ella Goodwin, a resident of Lakewood, Colorado. “It’s good to have a normal person in the White House and not some elite who went to an Ivy League school who had everything given to them.”

 

When asked what barriers still remain for being president, Mr. Woods replied, “I remember John Edwards was running for president and he had an affair with someone from his campaign while his wife was fighting cancer. Voters rejected him. So the barrier of cheating on your wife while she’s fighting cancer still exists. And being a woman."

 

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