SEATTLE, WA - While people across the globe express their appreciation for the glory and beauty of the natural world, Earth took a different approach, deciding to express its grievance with one of the wealthiest people on the planet who has enabled some of the worst tendencies in human kind.
“Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, is the reason so many landfills are jam-packed with cardboard, cardboard floating in oceans, cardboard stuffed into drainpipes. I’d like to jam some cardboard into Jeff Bezos and see how he feels,” said a clearly frustrated Earth.
Needless to say, Earth isn’t a member of Amazon’s Prime shipping service, which specializes in using cardboard boxes one size too big to ship everything from toothbrushes to cardboard boxes used to ship other, smaller cardboard boxes.
“Sure I could blames humans for their insatiable consumerism, but it’s much easier to blame Amazon for enabling them,” continued Earth.
“I mean, give me a break with the smile logo too. Who’s smiling? All the lazy people who can’t get into their polluting cars and drive to a Walgreens to get a stick of deodorant? I’m not smiling. You don’t see me smiling,” added Earth.
Earth went on to issue a direct threat to Jeff Bezos, saying it knew where he lived and wasn't afraid to use a bolt of lightning to send him a message.
The Satirical Post reported Earth's threat to the appropriate authorities and to Mr. Bezos himself.
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