USPS to Deliver Balloons in 2018

January 13, 2018

In order to generate more revenue, the USPS is launching a revolutionary idea to offer balloon delivery service to its customers across the country. With just the click of a button, USPS customers can buy and ship get well balloons, happy birthday balloons, happy new year balloons, or balloons for any and all occasions.

 

“When people see the FedEx guy or the UPS guy, they’re happy because those companies deliver things people order. Well, by and large we only deliver things people don’t want and didn’t order. So this way maybe people will finally be happy to see us,” said Megan Brennan, the Postmaster General.

 

Some USPS drivers have already begun questioning the practicality and safety of having their trucks stuffed with balloons.

 

“I have a hard time seeing my mirrors as it is. How am I gonna drive with balloons popping out of my windows,” asked David Clark, a postal worker in Los Angeles.

 

“I think its a wonderful idea,” said Maybelle Lowry of Oxford, Ohio, who has 10 grandchildren spread out across the country. “I’ll be able to send my grandkids balloons without having to call a florist. They really charge a lot to delivery balloons,” Mrs. Lowry added.

 

The Florist Union has already begun lobbying congress to pass a law outlawing the USPS from delivering balloons.

 

 

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