The country just heard the polished, meticulously chosen string of words President Trump used to sell the goals, aspirations and objectives his administration has for the coming year, which they hope will shape our nation for the next generation.
But what about the clumsily worded, ill informed, typo ridden first draft that captured the raw thoughts and partially conceived ideas of President Trump and his administration? Luckily for you it’s not crumbled up in a waste basket or deleted into the digital ether.
President Trump’s first draft was leaked to us here at The Satirical Post so the world could see the instincts and gut feelings of the leader of the free world. Here now is the unedited first draft of President Trump’s State of the Union speech as it was to appear on the teleprompter.
--------------FIRST DRAFT OF TRUMP'S SOTU -------------------
NOTE TO SELF WHILE YOU RECEIVE THE GREATEST APPLAUSE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY: Don’t forget to thank them for clapping. Of course they should clap and would be crazy to not clap for you, but it will be extra gracious for you to thank them for the claps.
SPEECH BEGINS: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President and the First Lady, whom I would like to remind took an oath to stick by me in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, in good times and bad, yes bad times too, Melania, till death do us part, so help us God. I love you Melania. Look forward to spending some quality time with you after this speech is over.
My fellow Americans. I have been your president for the past year, and you have been my people. You’ve been great people, by the way. Tremendous people. And together we have accomplished great things. In fact, I have accomplished more in my first year than any other Republican president has accomplished during their entire time in the office, and yes, I’m including President Lincoln in this too. I did the tax cuts.
Which is why I am announcing tonight, that I will be changing parties and from this moment on, will officially be a Democrat and a member of the Democrats.
NOTE TO SELF: Let this sink in to all the Democrats who came to the speech. They are going to be so thrilled that instead of beating them you’ll be helping them win now. And visa versa for the Republicans.
BACK TO SPEECH: In my next three years, I will accomplish more as a Democrat than any other Democratic president in the history of this great country.
Which means, by the time my first term in office is over, I will have accomplished more than the most accomplished Republican president ever, and yes that includes Lincoln, and accomplished more than the most accomplished Democratic president ever.
Which by facto means I will be the greatest president in the history…the history…of America.
NOTE TO SELF: At this point the applause will be so loud it might be difficult to think, but hang in there. Count to ten. Once you hit ten, leave the podium and start high-fiving all the Democrats who are going to be so thrilled to have you. Then walk out of the House chamber and let everyone wonder what just happened. Wave to Ivanka. Okay. Ten. Go.
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