Trump Pulls All Nighter With Spelling Bee Champ, Bolstering Command of Words

July 19, 2018

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After days of clarifying confusing statements, word choice and explaining the pitfalls of double negative usage, President Trump brought in the 2018 Scripts Spelling Bee champion to bolster his command of the English language, hoping to prevent another needlessly confusing incident of miss-using words.

 

“Karthik Nemmani and I had a great session together. Learned a lot of tremendous words. And definitions. And origins. Lots of word origins. Very important the word origins. There will be no more word screw-ups I can promise you that,” said President Trump standing in the oval office with Karthik.

 

The White House confirmed the president spent all night going over flashcards detailing grammar, tenses, participles and sentence structure.

 

“The press is relentless, nitpicking every word coming out of the president’s mouth. Well now that the little genius Karthik has spent the night tutoring the president, there will be no more misstatements, no more word screw-ups,” said White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

 

White House correspondents for all the major networks immediately recognized their days of printing stores about misstatements had quickly come to an end.

 

“Great move on the president’s part. These spelling bee kids are geniuses. I’m sure he’ll never make another mistake again. We actually had the 2012 and 2015 spelling bee champs on staff at CNN. It’s why we never make a mistake on air or in print,” said CNN White House corespondent Jim Acosta.

 

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