Trump: 'Mexico Is Sending Bed-Wetters, Crayon Eaters. They're Biters.'

June 18, 2018

 

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a press conference early Monday morning, President Trump defended his administration’s policy of separating children from their parents. The president cited extensive data and first hand knowledge from border agents as proof his administration was doing the right thing.

 

"Mexico isn’t sending us their best kids. They're sending kids with lots of problems. They’re sending bed-wetters, crayon eaters. They’re biters. And some, I assume, are good at soccer,” said the president. 

 

As a result of the Administration’s new ‘zero tolerance’ policy, roughly 45 kids are being removed from their parents every day. Himself a parent, Trump defended the questionable practice with a family anecdote:

 

“In 1990 the whole family went on a trip for Christmas. It was a beautiful trip. Eric was left behind like Macaulay Culkin  in Home Alone, which was a great movie. And I happened to be in Home Alone 2, which I think was better than the first,” said Mr. Trump.

 

"So anyway, Eric was left in the penthouse, separated from his family and he was fine. I hear so many times people say they wish Eric was their own kid,” continued the president.

 

“And by the way, the fake news media says nothing about how we give these kids free blankets, pillows and soccer balls. FREE. The kids love free stuff. It’s why they’re here.”

 

Meanwhile, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is optimistic their ‘summer camp’ detention facility charade is viable, at least until late August.

 

“We’re about 40% sure the kids are buying it,” said an ICE representative. “The soccer balls are key. They love soccer.”

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