A team of veterinarians trying to uncover the complex history of pit bulls that has befuddled pit bull owners for decades finally made a breakthrough; the K9 miraculously suited for killing, was originally bred to cuddle babies and soothe them in the crib.
Yes, that’s right. Researchers conducted a five year experiment that consisted of putting pit bulls alone with a baby in a small room for two days without supervision. The pit bulls was not fed, watered or loved for the entire two days, and over the course of the five year experiment not a single pit bull harmed a baby.
"For all those worried that pit bulls are killers, bred for no reason other than killing, take a long sigh of relief. You can actually put your pit bull in a crib with a baby, walk away and come back hours later to find that same pit bull sweetly cuddling and soothing your baby,” said lead researcher Rebecca Bryer.
Pit bull owners, who constantly find themselves exhausted by defending their dogs, were thrilled with the results of the study.
“I’m so sick of people trying to pin all the other stories of pit bulls killing their owners, mauling children and biting neighbors onto my pit bull. My pit bull is nothing like all the other killer pit bulls,” said local pit bull owner, who was speaking for every pit bull owner around the world.
Kitty Block, the current president and CEO of the Humane Society, said they have always resisted the idea of blaming a pit bull and now this study confirms they were right all along.
“When a pit bull kills someone, how can it be the pit bulls fault? They were bred to cuddle babies. If you really want to find someone to blame, blame the victim. How dumb do you have to be to die from a dog bred to cuddle babies? It’s like someone dying from looking at cotton candy,” said Ms. Block.
Immediately after the results of the study were published, all the former pit bull owners who abounded their pit bull at a local shelter due to its aggressive nature and propensity to kill, immediately regretted their decision and went back to collect their new family pet.
“I always thought the dog was bred to kill. Now I realize all that crazy behavior was not the dog’s nature, it was me. I must have made it crazy. I’m going to be a better person for my dog and not make it crazy,” said a proud pit bull owner leaving the pound with its new pit bull off the leash.
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