After a year of intense diplomatic work on the world’s most intractable geo-political issue, Jared Kushner, President Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor responsible for bringing peace to the Middle East, has made a breakthrough diplomats around the world could only dream of.
Just outside the Oval Office, Mr. Kushner along with Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, and Mahmoud Abbas, the President of the State of Palestine, announced that the Israelis and Palestinians had reached an agreement to give the Kushner family $500 million dollars.
“I’ve always had faith in Jared, since the moment my daughter and I laid eyes on him,” boasted President Trump. “The fact that he got the Israelis and Palestinians to agree to anything, let along giving his family $500 million just shows how great he is. So…you’re welcome, America,” added President Trump.
Ministers of State around the world weren’t quite sure how the enrichment of the Kushner family aided in the mission to bring peace to Israel and the Palestinians.
The Satirical Post reached out Mr. Kushner, by dialing the main line to the White House, 202-456-1414, and were pleasantly surprised that Jared had an explanation prepared just in case journalists had questions.
“Yes, well you see for decades Israelis and Palestinians haven’t even been able to agree that the color yellow is in fact yellow. So that’s what we were working with. Now, not only do they both agree the color yellow is yellow, but they also agree the Kushner family is a great investment and for the first time have a common interest,” said Jared as his sweaty hand dropped the phone.
“Our plan is to build on this new common interest and see where it leads. Maybe we get agreement on the 1967 borders? Maybe we get agreement on a nice condo tower in Tel Aviv or on the border of West and East Jerusalem,” added Mr. Kushner.
"What's that?! Okay! I have to go. Ivanka said I have to get off the phone," Mr. Kushner whispered as the line suddenly went dead.
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