McConnell Blames Russian Meddling on Founding Fathers, 'They Formed Too Good a Nation’

July 18, 2018

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After days of confused messaging from Trump and the White House about who is to blame for the 2016 election hack, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell sought to lend the president a hand by laying blame squarely on the founding fathers.

 

“By creating the greatest country in the world, the founding fathers put a target on our back and inside our computers. Sure Obama deserves some blame, and Hilary too, but from where I stand it’s mostly on Washington and Jefferson,” said Senator McConnell.

 

Although blaming men who died over two hundred years ago for Putin’s cyber attacks seems rash, many historians immediately agreed with Leader McConnell.

 

“The founding fathers did a poor job equipping us for cyber attacks. There’s nothing in the constitution about computers. No instructions about how to act as a nation after a cyber attack. They really dropped the ball on this one,” said historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.

 

The Satirical Post reached out to Senator Chuck Schumer of New York to get his take on McConnell’s comments.

 

“He’s absolutely right. In their arrogance to create the greatest country in history of the world, they turned us into Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile. It's during times like this I wish I had a time machine to go back and tell Madison to make us more like Lenny from Of Mice and Men.”

 

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