ALEXANDRIA, VA - From his holding cell, Paul Manafort placed calls to members of congress, lobbying them on behalf of himself to do whatever it takes to bring the Ukraine into the union as the fifty first state.
“I only took money from Ukraine because I thought it was a state, like Massachusetts, based on similarities in language, food and amount of Tom Brady fans,” explained Paul Manafort from his holding cell.
When asked if his lobbying efforts were part of his defense strategy, Mr. Manafort responded, “Of course not. America needs new states. The Ukraine could be the Alaska of Asia. And if for some bizarre legal reason it makes all the money I took no longer illegal, well I guess I’d have to live with that.”
The Satirical Post reached out to Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who received several calls from Mr. Manafort.
“Right now we have 50 states which is a good number. 51 seems off to me. 52 is already taken, because there's 52 cards in a deck of cards. The last thing we need is the American people trying to remember how many states we have. 50 is the right number,” answered Senator Cruz.
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