Los Angeles Bans Sneezing in Effort to Improve Poor Air Quality

June 21, 2018

 

LOS ANGELES, CA - Early Thursday morning Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti announced a ban on the involuntary act of sneezing in an effort to improve the poor air quality of his sprawling city.

 

“We have ten million people living in LA county. That means there is the potential for hundreds of millions of sneezes every day discharging into the air. This is a public health crisis and it must stop,” announced mayor Garcetti.

 

Residents of Los Angeles were surprised by the announcement, as there was no ballot initiative or debate discussing the perils of sneezing.

 

“Yeah, I had no idea sneezing was such a big problem. But I trust the government, so whatever they want to do I’m cool with,” said Logan Peterson, a Venice resident who was enjoying some recreational pot while speaking to The Satirical Post.

 

“I’d rather they ban sneezing than this stuff,” he said while taking a monster hit from his joint.

 

Other, more lucid residents were not so sure a sneezing ban was the right way to solve the city’s air quality problem.

 

“They might as well ban farting while they’re at it. It makes about as much sense,” said UCLA environmental scientist Meghan Murphy.

 

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