Draining the Swamp, President Trump Demands a 90% Income Tax on Lobbyists

December 8, 2017

 

While Congress works through the near impossible task of rewriting the tax code, President Trump added to their troubles with one of his early morning Tweets, demanding Congress tax the income of all lobbyists at a rate of ninety percent, echoing his disdain of the lobbying industry he frequently criticized on the campaign trail as corrupt, evil, and ‘a bunch of puppeteers’.

 

"These lobbyists are the scum of the Earth," said Trump in a free wheeling press conference at the Rose Garden flanked by Vice President Mike Pence. "No. What they really are, are government prostitutes. In fact, you know what? I think a low-level EPA guy could make more money selling himself to a lobbying firm than a big-time Hollywood actress could make if she became a prostitute. And prostitutes, the good ones, the ones that look like they could have been models, make a lot of money. So you can image how much money Jennifer Lawrence would make if she became a prostitute. She wouldn't even have to work every day if she didn't want to. The good ones don't work every day."

 

It took a loyal Mr. Pence tapping Mr. Trump on the back to get him re-focused on his message. "Right. What these lobbyists do to our country is a disgrace. It’s disgusting. And we’re going to tax them all out of a job." said Mr. Trump.

 

Just hours after Mr. Trump finished his press conference, a new lobbying firm named Lobbyists Against Lobbyists registered with the federal government. Its spokeswoman, Mia Brown, said the firm was now accepting contributions from 'Average Americans' to lobby for the President’s new tax increase against lobbyists. 

 

“We agree with the President that lobbying is out of control. That’s why we’re going to lobby Congress to pass this new bill against lobbyists,” Ms. Brown said. She boasted that some of the finest staffers from Capital Hill have left their posts and are now ready to finally get something accomplished for the American people. However, Ms. Brown added that some of the contributions would be appropriated for salaries equaling ten times the normal rate in case they are successful in pushing the tax hike through congress. 

 

The most powerful lobbyists working on K Street said they weren’t going to take any chances with Mr. Trump’s new proposal and immediately formed a consortium lobbying firm dubbed Lobbying Against Lobbyists Against Lobbyists and pledged to immediately lobby against any effort to raise the income tax rate governing their salaries.

 

“I completely understand working against the interests of the American people. But to lobby against fellow lobbyists? It just shows how divided our country has become,” said Trevor Miller, who is leading Lobbying Against Lobbyists Against Lobbyists.

 

UCLA Psychologist Linda McGovern, an expert on how money in politics affects voters, commented on the day’s developments. “It’s probably the most genius thing Trump has done since taking office. That is turning the swamp against the swamp. Although I suppose there’s the risk you could create a super-immune, mutated swamp baby in the process. Something that could live on a ninety percent tax rate.” When asked if she thought it was worth the risk, Ms. McGovern responded, “Yes.”

 

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