Kim Jong-un Agrees to Surrender all Nuclear Weapons in Exchange for Ivanka's Hand in Marriage

February 25, 2018

 

PYONGYANG - After an intense several weeks of back-door diplomacy, Kim Jong-un is ready to make a deal that would eliminate all nuclear weapons and materials from his country in exchange for President Trump’s prized daughter, Ivanka.

 

“The Supreme Leader has spent hundreds of hours online looking at photographs of Ivanka. He has concluded there is no creature in the world more beautiful. Not even one of North Korea's prized unicorns,” announced the North Korean state media. 

 

The Satirical Post reached out to Kim Jong-un who told us, "I want to transform the Kim dynasty into the Trump dynasty. Ivanka and I will make many babies together. Then when she is no longer fertile, I will ramp up my nuclear program again in order to negotiate for Tiffany Trump."

 

The White House has spent the last twelve hours in crisis mode as they debate what to do. “One of my favorite movies is Indecent Proposal. I never thought in my life I would have to make the same decision as Woody Harrelson," said Jared Kushner, Ivanka's husband and advisor to the president.

 

"I won't tell you what my decision is going to be, but I will say, I made a pledge to the American people to put them first," said President trump, who then whispered, "I'm gonna take the deal."

 

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