Justice Ginsburg Joins CrossFit in Effort to Extend Life Beyond 2024

June 28, 2018

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Late Wednesday evening, after learning her colleague Justice Kennedy would retire at the end of July, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg showed up at her local CrossFit gym and immediately began a workout regimen that would extend her life beyond a second Trump term.

 

“Pull-ups. Dead lifts. Burpees. I’m an animal in that gym and I’ll destroy anything that gets in my way of living beyond the Trump presidency. Too many justices are dropping like flies. Well not this cougar,” said Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

 

The Satirical Post caught up with Justice Ginsburg during her workout to get her take on who would be next to retire.

 

“That snowflake John Roberts if he’s not careful. He’s been eating my lunches for the past two years when they’re clearly marked in the fridge,” threatened Justice Ginsburg.

 

As we watched an overly aggressive Justice Ginsburg make her way through a two hour workout, pumping hundreds of pounds of iron, we began to wonder if she was using performance enhancing drugs.

 

“Oh, absolutely. There’s no way a 90 pound, 85 year old woman could max out 350 on bench press. She’s committed to juicing until congress passes a law banning PEDs from the bench,” said local CrossFit owner Barry McClintock.

 

Justice Ginsburg ended her workout from the pull-up bar, citing her oath to protect and defend the constitution with each rep.

 

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