In Sign of Obedience, Jared Changes Last Name to Trump

January 14, 2018

 

The country welcomed another Trump into the world today, who weighed in at 180 pounds and stands over six feet tall. Jared Kushner, husband to Ivanka Trump, changed his name from Kushner to Trump, fully committing to the family that has put him into the White House.

 

"Although it is unusual for a man to take his wife’s last name, there are few names in the world that have the power and prestige of Trump,” said Jared. “I wanted to show the President that my loyalty to him is above all else, even his daughter,” added Jared.

 

Having Jared change his last name from Kushner to Trump was a top, 2018 priority for the president according to his own new year resolution list, which was obtained by The Satirical Post.

 

“Fantastic. I’ve always wanted a competent son, and now that Jared is officially a Trump, well let’s just say I’ve got one. But my other sons are fantastic too. But Jared is so handsome. Dashing really, especially when he’s in a suit. Have you seen Jared in a suit? If Melania wasn’t married to me she’d probably want to date Jared. Which would be fine because Ivanka isn’t her daughter.”

 

Eric Trump and Donald Jr. couldn’t be reached for comment when contacted for their reaction to Jared changing his last name.

 

 

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