The Academy Adds Harvey Weinstein to In Memoriam Segment, Inevitably Setting up Greatest Hollywood Comeback Ever

March 2, 2018

 Producer/Harasser Harvey Weinstein: Photo credit David Shankbone.

 

Bowing to pressure to finally take a stand against vices that have plagued its industry since the 1920s when beautiful women were subjected to the whims of powerful men, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has decided to add Harvey Weinstein to its annual segment that commemorates Hollywood legends who have died.

 

The In Memoriam segment will include a picture of once legendary, now abominable, Harvey Weinstein, showing his Hollywood expiration date as 2018. Many Hollywood insiders felt this was a good move, as it would finally make their ticket-buying audiences shut up about the behavior inside their own industry. 

 

“Of course we make a big deal about how horrible sexual harassment is when we’re being interviewed on late-night comedy shows, or accepting an award on TV, or posting Insta stories to build followers, but privately no one cares. We just want to get on with talking about ourselves and how great we are, and stop talking about Harvey Weinstein,” said a top A-list actor who asked not to be named for fear of losing Twitter and Instagram followers.

 

When asked if he was concerned with losing Facebook followers, this A-list actor replied, “No."

 

The Motion Picture Arts and Sciences president John Bailey called The Satirical Post’s LA bureau office to explain his organizations decision. 

 

“Either way its a win for us. By including Harvey in the In Memoriam segment we put a lid on him and everything he’s done, which satisfies the public."

 

"And if for some miraculous reason the public forgives Harvey, or forgets about what he did, then Harvey will have the greatest Hollywood comeback ever, and Hollywood comebacks are great for Hollwood. I mean, imagine if he wins an academy award ten years from now. It would be like he rose from the dead. That’s the kind of thing Hollywood celebrates, right? The improbable. So either way we win,” explained Mr. Bailey.

 

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