With so many film and television fans across the country disappointed their favorite actors were assaulting and harassing women when the cameras were turned off, the Golden Globes will begin their annual telecast tonight with a montage of Hollywood men who have yet to be accused of sexual harassment.
Tom Hanks will be the first man in the montage to smile at America and assure them not all actors are egotistical, power-hungry sexual conquerers.
“We’re confident that by showing America Tom Hanks’s smiling face, we can start the process of regaining their trust and boosting theatrical ticket sales,” explained Hollywood Foreign Press Association President Meher Tatna.
When asked if she was worried that one day someone could accuse the venerable Tom Hanks of harassment and undercut the message that there are in fact decent power-players in Hollywood, she responded, “It’s my daily nightmare."
Ms. Tatna added, "Honestly, I’m trying to get a senior executive position in a Silicon Valley company. That’s the new Hollywood. Anything flies in those companies. And they still have the authority to preach to the world and say how great they are and how they're making the world a better place. Like we used to be able to do.”
Fans of Hollywood have struggled watching television shows and movies that glamorize actors who in real life terrorized vulnerable women who were following their dreams, and in some cases men following their dreams.
Seth Meyers, this years host, will do what he can to clear the air by hosting on-air confessions for actors, producers, directors and any other member of the Hollywood community that want to come clean. Local priest, Fr. Ed Benioff of Beverly Hills, will assist Mr. Meyers by taking confessions on air.
“We feel by having Hollywood power players confess on air, it could help resolve this problem we’re facing as a community and also be great for ratings,” said Ms. Tatna. “Hopefully we’ll have some actors who want to participate,” she added.