EAMES, MO – Cave hero and guy who shot his car into space, Elon Musk is up to his gallant ways yet again. This time, he has come to the rescue of a newlywed Missouri couple in the most dire of situations: assembling a bookcase from IKEA.
“Invitation or not, I know where I’m needed. Whether it’s a soccer team at risk of drowning or a couple tearing themselves apart because there aren’t enough wood dowels, I’ll be there,” said Musk.
Within 24 hours of receiving word of Jeff and Linda Palmer’s furniture struggles via Twitter, Musk arrived on their doorstep with an assembly robot his team designed especially for the bookcase build. Sadly, his big-hearted gesture was in vain.
“We just didn’t need Elon’s help. He brought some complicated gadget he said would work but we were nearly done with the Malm. Musk seemed to genuinely want to help so we let him down easy,” said Linda Palmer.
After having his help politely declined, Musk became defensive and questioned the expertise of the Palmers.
“They believe they didn’t need the robot and that’s fine. I left it behind in case a future need arises. It’s the thought that counts and I had so many of the best thoughts. I deserve my gold star and I deserve my pussy points, “ said Musk.
After attempting to come up with a non-misogynistic explanation for what “pussy points” are, Musk left our interview to rescue an Arizona family who was having trouble with a Great Gatsby-themed escape room.
Meanwhile, the harrowing tale of the bookcase and its successful assembly continues to captivate the world. There is rumor of a movie deal and the Palmers have even been invited to Sunday’s World Cup Final in Moscow. Unfortunately they will be unable to attend due to a prior engagement: putting their books in the bookcase.
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