In Sign of Solidarity with School Kids, Congress Removes Armed Guards from Capital Hill

February 15, 2018

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell announces members of congress will turn themselves into sitting ducks. Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr

 

​After a string of school shootings that have shocked the conscience of the country, Congress has removed all metal detectors, armed police and door locks from Capital Hill in order to feel what it's like to be a sitting duck, vulnerable to the whims of a lunatic with a gun.

 

“It’s time we walk a mile in the shoes of people who don’t have the luxury of armed police protection, metal detectors, or doors with locks,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. 

 

“How in the world could we identify with the kids from the 200 plus schools that have been shot up since Sandy Hook if we don’t turn ourselves into sitting ducks too,” questioned Leader McConnell.

 

When asked if members of congress would be allowed to carry weapons and at least try to protect themselves if a shooter did enter the new, security free congressional building, Leader McConnell responded, “No. School kids aren’t allowed to carry weapons and so neither will we."

 

The NRA applauded the move, and even sent each member of Congress, regardless of party, their very own AR-15. “We had each member of Congress’s name inscribed into the butt of the gun, just to make it a keep-sake,” said Wayne LaPierre, who leads the organization that has pushed to make owning and carrying guns easier and easier.

 

The Satirical Post reached out to Mr. LaPierre and asked him if he too would make himself a sitting duck like the school kids all across the country. 

 

“No. You see, the great thing about being old enough to vote is that you have elected officials who look out for your interests. If these kids want to actually be safe while they learn, maybe they should vote in members of congress who will do something for them.”

 

When told that the legal voting age was 18, Mr. LaPierre responded, “That’s a shame.”

 

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