Congress Passes Law Requiring 'School Shooter Only' Entrance to All Schools

May 23, 2018

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After years of debate about how to prevent school shootings, congress took a bold move and passed a law requiring every school in the country to hang a ‘School Shooter Only’ entrance above one of its main entrance doors.

 

“We know too many entrances and exits are a problem, so by requiring school shooters to use a single, clearly marked door, we can ensure an armed guard is there and ready to engage him," said House Speaker Paul Ryan.

 

Although liberals are extremely conformable solving problems using legislation, they were surprisingly apprehensive about signage that singles out a subclass of Americans.

 

“We want these horrific events to stop as much as everyone else, but is it necessary to discriminate against potential shooters by forcing them to use a marked door,” questioned House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

 

Kids across the country were shocked congress passed a law, any law, meant to curb the violence terrorizing them at school.

 

“I just hope they put a brail version of this ‘School Shooter Only’ sign too, because it would be a real tragedy if a blind kid used the wrong door on his way in to kill his classmates,” said local high school sophomore Kyle Montgomery.

 

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