California Grants Legal Status to Emotional Support Animals

April 30, 2018

 

SACRAMENTO - California took a major step in solidifying its status with hipsters and entitled millennials today when it passed legislation granting legal status to ‘emotional support animals’, giving them basic human rights.

 

“It’s time emotional support animals get the basic human rights they deserve,” said California Governor Jerry Brown. “The right to vote, the right to free veterinarian care, and the right to urinate on a commercial airline without threat of being crated,” Governor Brown added.

 

When asked if pets who aren’t certified to be emotional support animals will be receiving the same rights, Governor Brown responded, “No. Those pets will remain second-class pets. Think of it like Hollywood Stars and the rest of humanity.”

 

The Satirical Post reached out to Governor Brown to see if he was worried that non-hipsters and non-millennials would begin applying in masse to get their pets certified as ‘emotional support animals’ in order to take advantage of the free veterinarian care.

 

“Yes, we fully expect people to abuse the system but currently have no plan to address it. We will likely just let it get so bad that voters kick us all out of office and elect people who promise to fix the problem,” replied Governor Brown.

 

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