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California Agrees to Build Border Wall out of Straws

July 30, 2018

SACRAMENTO - In a major concession to President Trump, California governor Jerry Brown announced Monday morning he had authorized construction of a wall along the Mexican border using straws that are otherwise illegal to posses in cities across the state.

 

“Rather than throw away the millions of banned straws in our state, we will use them to construct a wall along the Mexican border, creating jobs and the largest drinking fountain in the world,” said Governor Brown at a press conference.

 

When asked if the state would be linking a water source to the straw wall Governor Brown responded, "No. Anyone wanting to drink from the wall would need to supply their own water."

 

Resturants, families and businesses across the state have already begun sending their illegal straws to the border where they will be sorted and organized for the massive construction project.

 

“We’re getting crazy straws, bendy straws, drinking straws, even some candy straws. Our team of engineers is currently deciding which glue to use in order to keep them all together,” said project manager Brad Greene.

 

Critics of the project are pointing out the wall will be useless unless there’s water at the bottom of the wall.

 

“Why would you build a wall using straws and not put water at the bottom? Seems cruel to me. I’m all for using tax dollars for this project if they promise to spend whatever it takes to construct an underwater aqueduct that the straws can access,” said local Los Angeles resident Rebecca Merryweather.

 

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