ATLANTA - CDC Director Robert Redfield held a press conference Wednesday morning to announce the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a vaccine for the latest disease sweeping the nation, ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’
“The CDC recommends every American take the Trump Derangement Syndrome vaccine, even the president, who could turn on himself if he contracts the highly contagious disease,” announced CDC Director Redfield.
Scientists at the CDC described Trump Derangement Syndrome as one of the most vicious, devastating diseases they’ve ever encountered.
“It’s the only disease known to have hair,” said the lead researcher at the CDC who asked to remain anonymous. “Each gene has a head of hair, styled the exact same way as the president,” the researcher added.
When asked if that means whomever contracts T.D.S. will develop hair similar to the president the lead researcher responded, “We’re not sure. Maybe if it goes untreated. But we have seen cases of people’s skin turning orange.”
The CDC is currently conducting a long term study to document the effects the disease could take on a person who goes untreated.
“The worst case we’ve seen is a middle aged man thinking he was drowning in the chocolate river inside Willy Wonka’s candy factory. It’s sad because he used to be an anchor on CNN and had a book deal,” said Director Redfield.
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