Starbucks Introduces new Racial Sensitivity Cup

April 18, 2018

 

As a sign of good faith that Starbucks understands the gravity of their current public relations crisis, they have introduced new cups specifically designed to remind their baristas and customers not to be racist.

 

"The new cup takes the very popular ‘Keep Calm’ phrase that most customers are familiar with, and adds the friendly reminder to ‘Be Nice to Black People’,” said Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson.

 

“Our holiday cups have done tremendous work to bring Christians, Jews, Muslims and atheists together during the Christmas season and we expect these new 'racial sensitivity' cups to have the same positive impact on bringing white people together will every type of minority, not just black folks,” added Mr. Johnson.

 

Specifically, Starbucks is hoping the new cups can prevent similar episodes as the one last week where two black men were handcuffed, arrested and escorted out of a store for doing what white customers do millions of times every year.

 

“I thought the coffee shops were just a way to lure people into the bathrooms while on road trips,” said a white, wealthy woman from Pasadena, CA who wished to remain anonymous due to the fact she has so much money she spends hundreds of thousands of dollars every year on stationary she doesn’t use.

 

The Satirical Post reached out to Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks who stepped away from the company last year, to get his take on the crisis.

 

“When we designed the coffee shop forty years ago, we didn’t anticipate black people being interested in them. So I don’t think you can’t blame the baristas for being ill-equipped for societal interactions where white and black people share the same space,” said Mr. Schultz.

 

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