Rand Paul Admits Bringing Down IRS Website in Hopes of Weaning Government off Measly One Trillion Do
Tuesday morning Senator Rand Paul sat at his desk with a bear claw and cup of coffee as he began hacking the IRS website in an attempt to cripple the government collection system and put a stop to Washington’s endless spending habits.
“I guess I’ve picked up some hacking techniques from senate hearings. It really was pretty easy, especially since we've slashed the IRS budget over the past ten years. The whole thing was over before I had to refill my coffee,” explained Senator Paul when reached by telephone.
"I'm just a humble public servant doing my part to slow federal spending," added Senator Paul.
Anxious taxpayers who waited until the final day to pay their taxes logged in to the IRS website to see an error message saying the collection system was down and would’t be up again until 1999, almost twenty years in the past.
“Yeah that was one of my intern’s ideas. He’s a big fan of Y2K humor. Pretty much anything that has to do with computer geniuses making mistakes. The only reason the Zuckerberg hearings lasted two days was because the intern had his tonsils taken out the first day,” said Senator Paul.
The young Senator’s intern walked into the office and started to tell the story of how in 1999 NASA crashed a $125 million dollar orbiter into Mars because engineers forgot to convert meters to yards.
When asked if he was worried there could be repercussions for his actions, Senator Paul responded, “Repercussions? Have you seen the news? If anything this will help me with my base. People hate government waste and incompetence.”
IRS officials were furious when they learned a sitting US Senator was the cause behind the failure of their site.
“How these guys can actively work against us and be applauded is beyond me. They’ve been cutting our funding every year for the past ten years,” said a senior IRS cyber security official.
“How would they like it if we took almost half of all the money they worked hard to earn? Can you imagine the outrage if we did something like that,” questioned the IRS agent.
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