Kim Jong-un Challenges Trump to Hand Measuring Contest at Upcoming Nuclear Summit

April 16, 2018

 

After hearing James Comey label Donald Trump’s hand size as ‘average’, Kim Jong-un has officially challenged President Trump to see whose hand makes them the bigger man.

 

“All the bombs in the world can’t make up for the poor genetics that have cursed the Trump family and given your president hands smaller than someone eight inches shorter,” said Kim Jong-un when reached by telephone.

 

North Korean intelligence officials told The Satirical Post they have dedicated thousands of hours pouring over photographs of Trump’s hands, comparing them to the Supreme Leader’s.

 

“We know how much Supreme Leader enjoys killing people with anti-aircraft rounds, so we wouldn’t have given him the okay to challenge Trump if we had even a shred of doubt he would lose,” said a North Korean intelligence official who requested we not use his name for fear of dying from an anti-aircraft round.

 

The White House confirmed the challenge from Kim Jong-un is real, saying it came through official diplomatic channels.

 

“This is why we can’t have former FBI directors on TV discussing the president’s anatomy,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders from the White House press room. “Foreign leaders get ideas and now what are we supposed to do? The President would look weak if he backs down from a hand measuring contest,” she added.

 

A source close to Trump told The Satirical Post the president has tasked his diplomatic and security teams to orchestrate a meeting where he would not have to shake Kim Jong-un’s hand.

 

“Maybe we can convince the President to get finger extensions before the summit? I don’t know. It would be horrible to go to nuclear war because of a hand measuring contest. I just hope we can figure out a way to convince them size doesn’t matter,” said a White House aid.

 

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