Congress Passes Law Banning Themselves from Weighing in on War

April 14, 2018

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Late Friday night and early into Saturday morning, both the House and Senate called emergency sessions to put before members a bill that would bar Congress from weighing in on whether the country should engage in any type of operation that could be described as war.

 

“What we’ve seen in the past is an unpopular vote for war could get a member kicked out of congress. By banning ourselves from weighing in on whatever war the president wants to start, we can eliminate a hairy variable that plagues reelection campaigns,” said outgoing Speaker Paul Ryan.

 

Members from both parties were excited about the new legislation as they’ve both encountered angry voters for past war votes.

 

“To this day, no one knows if John Kerry was for the war before he was against the war, or against the war before he was for the war. Imagine if John Kerry never had to comment on the war. He would have won the presidency,” said Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

 

When asked what war she was talking about, Mrs. Pelosi responded, “Does it matter? They’re all the same. Just ask Hillary. She lost the primary to Obama because she was for the war before she was against the war."

 

Americans across the country are excited about the groundbreaking action congress is taking to eliminate their voice from future war debates.

 

“I can’t tell you how hard it is to track who’s for this war or that war,” said a local resident from Paris, Texas. “Now that they’ve passed this law, all I have to worry about is whether the President is for a war or against a war. It makes war much simpler.”

 

Constitutional experts are already calling into question the new legislation calling it unconstitutional. 

 

“You would need an amendment for congress to abdicate their duty of declaring war because Article 1 of the constitution clearly gives that power to them. A simple law can’t change that,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

 

When asked why he passed a piece of legislation that he knew wasn’t going to hold up in court, Senator McConnell responded, “You never know. Sometimes the courts make mistakes too.”

 

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