SEATTLE, WA - After remaining quiet for the past few weeks while President Trump publicly excoriated Amazon for their unfair usage of the Post Office, the crown jewel of the American government, Jeff Bezos has announced he will begin personally delivering the Washington Post to the White House.
“It sounds like things are pretty chaotic at the White House and the last thing I’d want is for information to fall through the cracks,” explained Jeff Bezos when reached by telephone.
“Right now on the table we’ve got nuclear war with North Korea, Syrian civil war intervention and a possible pee pee tape so the least I can do is make sure the president has something to read when he’s on the john,” added Mr. Bezos.
The mission of delivering the paper to the White House is so important to Mr. Bezos that he has committed to relocate to Washington D.C. and manage his company remotely.
“Initially I was concerned that a move across the country would be financially prohibitive, but then I learned there are condos available in D.C. for only $50 a night. At that rate I think I can afford to uproot myself,” said Mr. Bezos.
Local delivery boy and USPS employee Mario Franklin was concerned by Mr. Bezos’ announcement.
“First these guys replace us with computers and robots. Now they’re replacing us with themselves? Where does it stop,” Mr. Franklin questioned.
Someone from The Satirical Post’s D.C. bureau office reached out to the White House to get a comment on the latest development in the Amazon/Trump feud.
“Jeff Bezos is an American citizen, as fas as we know, and if he chooses to spend his time being a delivery boy for The Washington Post, then he has that right,” said President Trump.
When asked if he was implying that Jeff Bezos wasn’t a legal American citizen, President Trump responded, “Does Bezos sound American to you? It doesn’t sound American to a lot of people, I can tell you that.”
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