With the American public growing weary of having their personal information fuel the exploding wealth of Silicon Valley, Mark Zuckerberg spent a second consecutive day on Capital Hill interviewing senators and members of congress for lobbyist positions at Facebook.
“We realize we made mistakes at Facebook and that the public is angry. This is why we need lawmakers to abandon the American people and instead work with us so we can continue to exploit our users,” said Mark Zuckerberg as he was walking into the House chamber.
“I’m incredibly busy and so meeting with many lawmakers at one time is very efficient,” Mr. Zuckerberg added.
Many Silicon Valley companies were impressed with the boldness of Mr. Zuckerberg’s hiring efforts.
“Normally the CEO doesn’t hire lobbyists. It’s typically left to the lawyers. But because Mark has made a living exploiting people, naturally he doesn’t trust anyone. So he’s interviewing these people himself. Brilliant,” explained Apple CEO Tim Cook when reached by phone from someone in our D.C. bureau.
The Satirical Post was able to catch up with several Senators after yesterday’s hearing to see how they felt about their chances working for Facebook as a lobbyist.
“I feel like it went well. He seems like a great guy, someone who had no clue about what was going on in his company, which is what I’m looking for. I want to be able to have freedom to operate without someone looking over my shoulder,” said Senator Cory Booker, who has received more money in campaign contributions that any other senator who questioned Mr. Zuckerberg.
Several other senators felt great about their chances of being hired.
“He said he would get back to me, but I think I’m going to follow up with him just so he knows how excited I am to help Facebook exploit people,” said Senator Diane Feinstein.
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