Monday morning the FBI, in coordination with the special counsel office of Robert Mueller, raided Michael Cohen’s office and home in what many are calling the first ever breach of the sacred President, Porn Star privilege, a privilege that can be tracked back to the founding of America.
“It’s in the Constitution. Article 2 clearly establishes that any contact between a president and porn star is protected and can not be penetrated at any point by any person, except by the President,” said Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen.
Several legal experts and nervous politicians who hope to become president one day pointed out that this was in fact the first time the president, porn star privilege has been breached.
“President Kennedy didn’t have his privilege breached. Clinton enjoyed extensive protection under his president, porn star privileges,” explained Vice President Mike Pence.
When asked to clarify which porn star President Clinton slept with, Vice President Pence responded, “Frankly, he converted several women he slept with into porn stars. So I guess technically he was exercising his privilege but in a retroactive, time travel sort of way.”
Many porn stars contacted The Satirical Post concerned their private interactions with former presidents may now be vulnerable to the public record.
“I never would have slept with three presidents if I didn’t think the president, porn star privilege wasn’t iron clad,” said one of the world’s most renounced porn stars who asked for anonymity in order to speak to The Satirical Post.
When asked if she would rather make money from all the opportunities that would inevitably arise from the notoriety of sleeping with a president, the porn star replied, “God no. The last thing I want is to sell my soul in order to make a buck.”
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