With more than a year of experience dismantling the government agency established to protect the environment, Scott Pruitt has announced he is now ready to officially change the name of the EPA to the Swamp Protection Agency.
Along with the name change comes a change to the agency’s mission, which Mr. Pruitt announced at an impromptu press conference outside of the East Wing of the White House.
“The planet’s environment is over 4.5 billion years old. Clearly it knows how to take care of itself. It's greedy politicians, lobbyists, corporations and special interests making up the D.C. swamp that are under attack and desperate for help. So our agency will now be focused on passing regulation ensuring the swamp can live to see the day Barron Trump becomes president,” explained Mr. Pruitt.
Critics of Mr. Pruitt immediately pointed out that although the word swamp is an ecological term and would fall under the larger umbrella of the environment, the context in which he’s using the word it clearly a metaphor.
“Protecting a metaphorical swamp is not part of the EPAs mandate. It’s like if NASA spent its budget and resources rounding up immigrants because some people refer to them as aliens,” said Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey.
The Satirical Post reached out to President Trump at the White House to get his comments on Senator Booker’s analogy.
“Wow. That's a genius idea. What’s NASA doing anyway? We haven’t been to the moon in like 50 years. It’s about time they did something productive,” said President Trump.
Transforming the EPA to an agency protecting the D.C. swamp will have its challenges, Mr. Pruitt admitted.
"Before we can hire thousands of employees who fail to exhibit any signs of moral or ethical fortitude, we will first have to fire all the so called scientists who lack the knowledge and skills required to help lobbyists step on the neck of average Americans," explained Mr. Pruitt.
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