By naming his personal physician Veteran Affairs Director, President Trump has set in motion the unintended consequence that 100% of all veterans who served from roughly 1965 to 2018 must be diagnosed with bone spurs in order to justify the sitting president’s deferments from Vietnam.
“We didn’t anticipate placing someone with intimate knowledge of the President’s feet inside the VA would raise questions like, “Are the president’s feet the same as all the veterans feet?” Well the answer is yes. So the only logical conclusion is that every veteran served with bone spurs,” explained Sarah Huckabee Sanders from the White House press room.
The Satirical Post reached out to Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson to get his opinion on the inevitable discovery that 100% of vets served with bone spurs.
“It’s one of these things that makes sense in retrospect. Like Bill Belichick was right to not play Malcolm Butler in the Super Bowl. During the game everyone was questioning the move. But now it all makes sense they were trying to lose,” said RADM Jackson.
When asked how much it will cost the VA to diagnose and treat every living veteran’s fabricated case of bone spurts, RADM Jackson responded, “A fabricated case of bone spurs is highly expensive to treat. It’s going to cost taxpayers billions of dollars because it will likely take a decade to find and diagnose every veteran.”
Confronted with the cost and effort that the VA must now undergo to justify Trump’s multiple deferments due to bone spurs, the White House issued this statement.
“We made our decision and it’s final until RADM Jackson spends $150,000 of taxpayer money transforming his office into an Air BNB rental that he personally profits from.”
The New York Times immediately assigned the most junior reporter they had to monitor the popular peer-to-peer rental site which will inevitably have RADM Jackson’s office listed only after $150,000 of tax payer money has been wasted.
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