Master Dealmaker Trump Vows to Negotiate North Korean Nuclear Deal via Twitter

March 28, 2018

 

President Trump, who has repeatedly called himself the 'greatest negotiator' and a 'natural deal maker', vowed Wednesday morning to negotiate the North Korean nuclear deal with Kim Jong-un via Twitter, so the world can see for itself how fantastic his negotiation skills really are.

 

“My track record on Twitter is incredible. I’ve taken down Rosie O’Donnell. Those hacks on Morning Joe. I’ve never lost a Twitter battle. Ever. Which is why I’m guaranteeing a win on the Nuclear deal with North Korea,” explained President Trump.

 

“Plus, Obama has about double the followers as me. So I figure this could be a good way for me to pick up another 50 million followers and take him down in the process,” added the president.

 

Special advisor to the President, Ivanka Trump, thinks her father has made a courageous decision. 

 

“By negotiating on Twitter, all the forgotten men and women of this country can Tweet their comments to my father and provide their own input directly into the negotiation process,” said Ivanka. “Imagine if President Obama had the input of 500 million Twitter users when he negotiated the Iran deal. It would have been so much better,” she added.

 

The Satirical Post’s Pyongyang bureau chief reached out to Kim Jong-un to get his thoughts on Trump’s proposed negotiation tactic. 

 

“Twitter is good for negotiation with sweaty Capitalist Dotard and his orange family because North Koreans don’t want to see vile on internet," responded Kim Jong-un.

 

Security and diplomatic experts aren’t so sure negotiating over Twitter is a great idea. Mike Pompeo, the new Secretary of State who formerly headed the CIA, has some initial concerns.

 

“The President’s account could be hacked. Trolls could feed misinformation into the conversation. The list goes on and on. To be honest its a horrible idea,” confessed Secretary Pompeo.

 

Several White House aids to requested anonymity due to the sensitivity of the topic said there are already plots to drop President Trump's phones into various toilets if he actually moves forward with this idea.

 

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