In yet another stunning staff shake up, the former Secretary of Education was downgraded to Armed Day Care Teacher early on Tuesday morning.
"After watching the 60 Minutes report, the President felt Mrs. DeVos was more suited to be the Armed Day Care Teacher than Secretary of Education. Mrs. DeVos received three hours of firearm training overnight from Secretary Mattis and is now patrolling the day care here on the White House grounds,” explained Sarah Huckabee Sanders from the briefing room.
"Betsy has tremendous physical capabilities for her age and she's just as qualified as any man to be an armed teacher here at our day care facility," announced President Trump. "I guess you could say the country's former, top teacher is now a guard in a school here at the White House. So in a way we're putting our bullets where are mouths are," added Mr. Trump.
The Satirical Post’s White House corespondent was able to catch up with Mrs. DeVos inside the day care to ask her about her new role.
“It’s amazing that I get to serve the American people like this. Although I’ve never served in the military, after Secretary Mattis taught me how to shoot a gun I feel confident that if a crazy person walks through these doors I can pop off a clip and take him down without hurting one of our precious children,” said Mrs. DeVos.
When asked if she’s ever killed a human being, Mrs. DeVos answered, “No. But I’m a visual person, and I’ve pictured myself killing a human being so I feel like I’m ready.”
Parents who work in the White House were not aware that Mrs. DeVos was being reassigned to protect their children. “We found out the former Secretary of Education was the armed guard along with everyone else on Twitter,” said Ivanka Trump, who drops her kids off every day at the White House day care center.
“This is a perfect example of the kind of job training that we want to bring to the American people. There are so many unemployed, old people out there who have been laid off. If we can give them all a gun and a bullet proof vest, imagine how many armed teachers we could have overnight in our schools. That’s the America of the 1950s that my father is trying to recreate,” explained Ivanka.
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