SEATTLE, WA - The Silicon Valley and retailing tech giant Amazon, who has set out to sell everything to everyone, just inched closer to its goal with the launch of its new online puppy store, offering every type of breed imaginable.
“Before anyone freaks out, especially PETA, I just want people to know we care deeply about our puppies which is why they’re bred and raised in the finest conditions known to man,” urged Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos.
“And to those Amazon customers who are worried we might run out of their favorite breed, especially around Christmas time, please don’t worry. Our puppy supply chain is wide and deep and we’re confident we can fulfill any order, any time of the year,” added Mr. Bezos.
Amazon posted a disclaimer on its site explaining how the puppy shipping process works. All puppies are inspected by a qualified Amazon shipping expert before they leave a warehouse. Each puppy is packed in a cardboard box with several breathing holes and a three day supply of food and water, just in case UPS can’t manage to deliver the package in the standard two days.
“It was the best day for my family when the UPS guy delivered little Bucky to my family,” said Karen Burgeron, a single mother of three who is doing her best to keep her kids happy.
“As soon as they cleaned off all the feces and pee-pee stuck to Bucky from his ride to our house, they just had the best time playing with him. What an amazing addition to our family. Isn’t Amazon the greatest company in the world,” exclaimed Ms. Burgeron.
“People said an online book store wouldn’t work because people like to see and hold a book before they buy it. Well, at Amazon we feel the same false barriers about buying a puppy exist. People think they need to see and hold a puppy before they buy it. But that’s not true. To all the skeptics out there, I’d say go ahead and order a puppy and see the results for yourself,” said Mr. Bezos.
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