One last big news leak of 2017 has just come to light, President Trump's 2018 new year resolutions. Requesting anonymity based on the sensitivity of the subject, a member of Mar-a-Lago contacted the LA bureau office of The Satirical Post to share Mr. Trump's new year resolutions.
"Because his decisions effect every American, I felt it was prudent to share with the American people President Trump's 2018 ambitions and goals," said the anonymous source.
After much internal...
So far the experiment seems to be working. After one full weekend of free popcorn, AMC has seen a 30% increase in ticket sales for prequels, sequels, spin-offs, franchise mashups, reboots and remakes. “Yeah, movies suck. Everyone knows that. Now with the free popcorn, theaters are finally acknowledging movies suck,” said Marvin College, a resident of Clement, Texas. "I can’t even tell you how many different actors have played Spider Man in my lifetime. And not one of them was good.” added M...
9. FRESH TAKES ON CLASSIC IMAGES - Fans learned lightsaber colors age and evolve over time, like a fine wine, which is why Luke’s lightsaber was blue in the latest installment.
8. LOADS OF CHARACTERS - Moviegoers love characters, so writer/director Rian Johnson gave Star Wars fans more than they could keep track of, creating scenes that played as a character pinball-machine with actors gyrating and clambering after their line as they wait for their next.
As soon as news of Mr. Xi’s promise hit Capital Hill, Republican lawmakers deepened cuts to corporate rates and eliminated the estate tax altogether. “Our Chinese friends always keep their word, and I’m thrilled to hear they promised never to buy our country, even if we owed them 100 trillion dollars,” announced House Speaker Paul Ryan, just before the official bill signing ceremony with President Trump.
Senate and House Democrats were crushed by the news of Mr. Xi’s promise. “If we had known C...
Although it’s too early to tell what exactly is contained in the emails, many political experts believe they will reveal just how much Bill and Hillary actually can’t stand each other. “When I’m trying to make a passive aggressive move against my wife, I’ll send her an email with critical, time-sensitive information that I know she won’t ever see and then call her to ask her why she hasn’t checked her email,” said relationship expert Dr. Phil. “That’s probably what was going on,” explained Dr. P...
Matt Damon, Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, Anderson Cooper, and all the corespondents of 60 Minutes have agreed to participate in a test program that would have them wear a body camera 24 hours a day, theoretically capturing any harassment they, or someone in their purview commits.
Caught on tape before he made his concession speech last night, defeated Republican candidate Roy Moore confessed to one of his senior aids that there were at least 50 other conservatives in Alabama that could have replaced him as the nominee and defeated Doug Jones.
During a rally late last night, Doug Jones, the Democratic nominee for the tightly contested Alabama U.S. Senate race, made his boldest campaign promise yet, to only hire ‘un-sexually harassable’ staffers.
Friday evening as wildfires continued to scorch southern California, President Trump tweeted that he had ordered FEMA to wrangle all horses within a ten mile radius of the fire zone and get them to a safe place. Mr. Trump’s announcement came as he watched footage of burning stables in the canyons of Ventura County while using the restroom just off the hallway next to the dining room in the White House.
While Congress works through the near impossible task of rewriting the tax code, President Trump added to their troubles with one of his early morning Tweets, demanding Congress tax the income of all lobbyists at a rate of ninety percent, echoing his disdain of the lobbying industry he frequently criticized on the campaign trail as corrupt, evil, and ‘a bunch of puppeteers’.