WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to put an end to the seemingly endless Russia investigation, President Trump announced Saturday morning that he had re-hired Michael Cohen and given him one task, find a way to silence Michael Cohen before he talks to special council Robert Mueller.
“Had no idea why Cohen would talk to Mueller. Then I realized Cohen wasn't around to fix Cohen problem. So I re-hired Cohen and told him to silence Cohen. DONE!” tweeted the President.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Amid growing outrage against deputy attorney general Rod Rosenstein, the man ultimately in charge of the Mueller probe, the Justice Department announced they were enrolling him into the Witness Protection Program.
Sidney from Bubble Springs, OH asks writes to The Satirical Post's health advisor Gregor Wolfowitz. “Salutations Gregor. I have a 7 year old and she’s always biting her nails. I find it disgusting. Do you have any tips for getting her to stop?”
LOS ANGELES - Early Wednesday morning Dancing With the Stars announced director James Gunn, who was fired by Disney after old tweets mocking pedophilia were unearthed, was not too disgraced to be a contestant on the hit dancing show.
KREMLIN - As details for the second Trump Putin summit are worked out, Russian President Vladimir Putin has applied for a US security clearance in order to fully participate in discussing all the pressing issues between the two countries.
Dillon from Tandella, CO writes to The Satirical Post's health advisor Gregor Wolfowitz. “Salutations Gregor. I know red wine is good for my heart but how much wine can I enjoy before it becomes unhealthy?”
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sarah Huckabee Sanders called an emergency press briefing early Tuesday morning to announce the White House janitor discovered a rare, original copy of the United States Declaration of Independence, written in all caps.