LINCOLN COUNTY, NV - August 9th 2018 marked the inauguration of the United States Space Force Academy, said Vice President Mike Pence, from a speech delivered at Area 51, which will host the countries newest military academy.
“Area 51 will be home to The Space Force Academy, an incredible addition to the nation’s elite military academies. Space cadets will benefit from the wealth of alien knowledge that has been assembled here at Area 51,” said Pence.
FAIRFAX, VA - After court documents revealed the National Rifle Association is nearing insolvency, its spokeswoman Dana Loesch announced early Wednesday morning the NRA will begin defending what they deem to be the more profitable 21st amendment, which repealed prohibition and guarantees the right for Americans to consume alcohol.
NEW YORK CITY - New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzberger announced Sunday morning that effective immediately, every article the newspaper publishes both in print and online would first be fact-checked by President Trump before publication.
ATLANTA - CDC Director Robert Redfield held a press conference Wednesday morning to announce the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a vaccine for the latest disease sweeping the nation, ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’
SACRAMENTO - In a major concession to President Trump, California governor Jerry Brown announced Monday morning he had authorized construction of a wall along the Mexican border using straws that are otherwise illegal to posses in cities across the state.
LOS ANGELES - Early Wednesday morning Dancing With the Stars announced director James Gunn, who was fired by Disney after old tweets mocking pedophilia were unearthed, was not too disgraced to be a contestant on the hit dancing show.
NEW YORK, NY - After the player protest issue erupted yet again on Friday, the NFL took the bold step to permanently remove the American flag from all stadiums and replace it with the Russian Federation flag.
NEW YORK, NY - Early Saturday morning, longtime friend to President Trump and publisher of National Enquirer, David Pecker continued his quest of acquiring information and stories harmful to the president by making an offer to Robert Mueller for the entirety of the Russia Investigation.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After days of clarifying confusing statements, word choice and explaining the pitfalls of double negative usage, President Trump brought in the 2018 Scripts Spelling Bee champion to bolster his command of the English language, hoping to prevent another needlessly confusing incident of miss-using words.
FLORHAM PARK, NJ - Gerber CEO Bill Partyka apologized to America early Saturday morning after an audio recording of the current Gerber baby shocked the conscience of the nation, spurring calls for the 18 month old infant to step down from its spokesbaby role.