KREMLIN - As details for the second Trump Putin summit are worked out, Russian President Vladimir Putin has applied for a US security clearance in order to fully participate in discussing all the pressing issues between the two countries.
MOSCOW - Following his better than expected meeting with President Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced he was giving every American who chooses to bicker over the DNC server, Obama’s failures and George Papadopoulos the title of ‘Honorary Ambassador to the Soviet Union'.
BRUSSELS - After President Trump spent the first day of the NATO summit publicly shaming Europe, Chancellor Angela Merkel announced Germany will officially collude with whomever the Democratic party nominates for president in 2020.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Saturday morning Russian president Vladimir Putin called the main White House switch board pretending to be Justice Kennedy, and was immediately connected to President Trump, whom he told he was no longer retiring, sending the Trump administration into crisis mode.
VATICAN CITY - Disappointed the Vatican soccer team was left out of the World Cup, Pope Francis did what the leader of any self-respecting football country would do, bribe FIFA officials. In his typical unabashed style, the Pope even confessed his transgression on Twitter.
SINGAPORE - After a day full of tense, international negotiations on the world stage, Kim Jong-un unwound by logging into TripAdvisor and tearing the Capella hotel to pieces. Overall Mr. Kim gave the luxury hotel 2 stars and said he would not recommend it to any associates.
QUEBEC - A new report that surveyed more than a billion people around the globe has concluded, based on increased rates of wrinkles, hair dye sales, and the inability to remember what happened last week, the world has collectively aged a century in the last 505 days.
PYONGYANG - Realizing North Korean officials had made a mistake by calling Vice President Pence a ‘politically dummy’, Kim Jong-un made a stunning offer to keep the peace summit talks alive by calling the White House and offering the North Korean Vice Presidency to Mike Pence.
LONDON - Early Sunday morning, after an overnight tabulation of Harry and Meghan’s wedding expenses, Parliament announced it was cutting off the royal couple from government assistance after their bar tab came in at more than double the budgeted amount.