LINCOLN COUNTY, NV - August 9th 2018 marked the inauguration of the United States Space Force Academy, said Vice President Mike Pence, from a speech delivered at Area 51, which will host the countries newest military academy.
“Area 51 will be home to The Space Force Academy, an incredible addition to the nation’s elite military academies. Space cadets will benefit from the wealth of alien knowledge that has been assembled here at Area 51,” said Pence.
FAIRFAX, VA - After court documents revealed the National Rifle Association is nearing insolvency, its spokeswoman Dana Loesch announced early Wednesday morning the NRA will begin defending what they deem to be the more profitable 21st amendment, which repealed prohibition and guarantees the right for Americans to consume alcohol.
NEW YORK, NY - After days of listening to legal scholars debate the definition and consequences of ‘collusion', Donald Trump Jr. has decided to run for president in order to have the option to pardon himself, just in case his father is impeached.
NEW YORK CITY - New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzberger announced Sunday morning that effective immediately, every article the newspaper publishes both in print and online would first be fact-checked by President Trump before publication.
Annie from Crunch Pond, VT writes to The Satirical Post’s health advisor Gregor Wolfowitz. “Salutations Gregor, I am trying to cut sugar out of my diet. What do you recommend as a healthy sugar substitute?”
ALEXANDRIA, VA - From his holding cell, Paul Manafort placed calls to members of congress, lobbying them on behalf of himself to do whatever it takes to bring the Ukraine into the union as the fifty first state.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After nearly a year of suffering recusal discrimination at the hands of the president, Attorney General Jeff Sessions has created a new Recusal Liberty Task Force and given them the objective to protect the rights of individuals who wish to practice their recusal in peace.
ATLANTA - CDC Director Robert Redfield held a press conference Wednesday morning to announce the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a vaccine for the latest disease sweeping the nation, ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’
SACRAMENTO - In a major concession to President Trump, California governor Jerry Brown announced Monday morning he had authorized construction of a wall along the Mexican border using straws that are otherwise illegal to posses in cities across the state.